Torturetunities

They say that when it rains, it pours. Even if it's raining sunshine (that's my addendum). That is to say, sometimes even the good things can come at you too hard and fast. That's how I ended up coining the term, "torturetunity."

When the opportunity to work at Pro Mujer came along, I grabbed it. I knew that this was what I had been waiting for. And though there was some regret (and perhaps a teeny bit of torture) at losing my luxuriously flexible lifestyle, I was also ready and excited for the change. My part-time gig with CGAP did not feel fulfilling, and I was longing for some more interesting and stimulating work. Plus, it was Pro Mujer! My dream organization. No, this was not a torturetunity, but a real true opportunity to seize.

But as soon as I started my new job at Pro Mujer, that's when they started coming. The torturetunities.

Over the past couple years, I've developed a relationship with Barbara, a microfinance consultant who runs the firm, EA Consultants, out of New York. She works a lot in Latin America, and has done several projects in Nicaragua. She's a cool lady and I admire the work she does, always on the go, traveling to project sites, presenting at conferences, all while raising a family in crazy New York City.

A couple times in the past two years, we've talked about the possibility of working together on potential projects that were in the works, but they never panned out. Then in February, she was down in Nicaragua again for a project with FINCA on social performance, a particular interest area of mine. I had the opportunity to accompany Barbara on some field visits doing focus groups and interviews with clients, and I came out of it feeling energized. I could see doing this kind of work myself one day. In fact, we talked about the possibility of my getting involved in this particular project if it progressed to the next phase.

But then she went back to New York, and I didn't think much about it again, since the projects we'd previously discussed hadn't panned out. And then Pro Mujer came along and wrapped me up in its whirlwind, all my energy focused on this new chapter.

Well, of course, I was only two weeks in to my new job with Pro Mujer when Barbara got back in touch, asking if I wanted to work on the next phase of the FINCA project. It would involve some field work, interviews, and analysis - and overall sounded really interesting to me, right up my alley.

But now I was working full-time, both with Pro Mujer and continuing my consulting at CGAP (more on that balancing act in another post). I so wanted to say yes to this opportunity, and if it had come at any other time - say just a couple months prior - I would have accepted it in a heartbeat! I was longing for something like this then. But now, it felt like it just came along to torture me. I considered it briefly, but there was really no way. I just didn't have the time, especially since it required fieldwork, not just desk work. So I had to turn it down. Barbara understood of course, and was excited for me in my new position. She also has a soft spot for Pro Mujer, having worked on various projects with them over the years.

Well, that was that. But, then...

A month later, Barbara popped up again. With a different project this time, one we'd discussed very briefly back in January about developing a social performance training. I thought this project had died, since I never heard about it again, but apparently it was revived and the client was now raring to go.

So, here we go again... Agonize, agonize, debate, debate... could I make this work? This one was only desk work, not a huge project. Some extra cash? Maybe some helpful experience? But I was still getting used to my new schedule with the Pro Mujer and CGAP jobs, and taking this on would mean working weekends and evenings. Was it worth it?

As I debated, I consulted a good friend who I thought could help based on the important fact that she happened to be online late that night. And her advice was unequivocal, basically a "Hell, no!" And I realized that was just what I wanted to hear. She said she gets offered a fair amount of consulting work on the side, and her response is always the same. "I like my weekends," she said. "Never worth giving up your nights and weekends for a little extra cash (unless you really need it, of course)... Balance, it's all about balance."

Well, that clinched it for me. I said no. And that was that.

Or so I thought.

Five days later, Barbara pops up again in my chat, saying, "Hi, it's me, your consultancy stalker!"

Apparently, the client was so interested in having us work on this project that they were willing to extend the deadline. So she was checking in to see if that would make a difference for me. Arrrggghhhhhh!

This is when I coined the term, "torturetunity." Now, she was just torturing me!

This time, I agonized about it even more. I thought to myself, maybe I should just try it out and see how it goes - it's not a long-term project, just a couple months. But I knew in my gut that I didn't want to take it on; I was feeling pressured. And of course, frustrated with the bad timing of these opportunities wrapped in torture.

In the end, I stuck with my gut and said no. I like my weekends too. And I just didn't see enough benefit from this project to make it worth giving up my now-more-limited free time.

While these opportunities were a form of torture, it also felt good, of course, to receive such offers. And to be in a position to say no. I really truly appreciate where I am right now in my life, and am happy to be able to choose what I do and don't want to do. I feel truly grateful for all the opportunities in my life, even if some come in the guise of torturetunities.

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P.S. I coined the term "torturetunity" while chatting with my good friend, Amy B, about my dilemma. She could easily relate, with a few tales of her own, and loved the term. And then the next day, I was chatting online with another friend, Nora. She'd just "won" the lottery to run in the San Francisco marathon, and was suddenly realizing that she now might actually have to do it -- get in shape and run a marathon! "Torturetunity," I told her, and she immediately replied, "yes!!" And then ran with the idea (oops, no pun intended) to apply it to another torturetunity in her life...

For a slightly different take on this new term, check out Nora's blog post with the same title, Torturetunities, in which I (blogger extraordinaire according to Nora, oh la la la) am honored to be included.